i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
