I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize