Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
