The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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