Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
