I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
