Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
