im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
