Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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