ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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