i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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