Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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