it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
