Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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