I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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