We won't sleep together?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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