Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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