When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Quick, to the slutcave!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
