i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
