Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
