I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
