The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
