ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize