Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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