My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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