Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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