if i can run in heels then i can drive
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
