what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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