my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
