it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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