Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
