would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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