Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
