Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What a dumb baby whore.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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