dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
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Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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