I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
