guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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