i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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