i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
