mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
