I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
