mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
