I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
