There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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