So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
