yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
