? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
