Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize