If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
