When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
