I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
