everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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