trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
