I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You have to summon your inner elephant
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
