remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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