I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
