All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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