omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So many bounce houses so little time
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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