If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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