You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
