Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
