So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
