I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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