and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
