Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
