96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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