Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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