On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
