4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
