just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
