i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
