man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
