Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
