I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
