My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
