I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Are we still banned from the library?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
