Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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