Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
