TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
