You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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