i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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