Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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