do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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