You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
