Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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