OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
