tell your sister to shave her snatch
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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