I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I love having hate sex.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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